Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
