you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
