dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i wish my penis had a tongue
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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