I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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