At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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