if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
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