cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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