had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
