Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
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