cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
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I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
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Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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