Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
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