no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
