Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
