Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
