Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
