so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
