Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
