Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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