youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
