Is it because I queefed?
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
