I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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