ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
