You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
