It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
