i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
