I want to walk on stilts...naked
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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