I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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