as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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