In the future we'll all be gay
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
