help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I could fuck to npr.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
