Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
