areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
