we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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