just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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