A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I got inside last night via doggy door
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
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