11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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