Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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