my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
