I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
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