I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
