Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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