Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Randomize
