Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Randomize
