Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
