I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
