I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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