in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
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