i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
