Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
vagina is talking i cant
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
