my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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