eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
