I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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