imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
