I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
