The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
