Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
