you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
