i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
My feet surprised me
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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