So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
