The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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