Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
