We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize