Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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