So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
