my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
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She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
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Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
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