Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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