beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
