this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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