In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
