She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I didn't notice because vodka
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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