I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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