my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
