You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
