my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
