If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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